your parents love me but you hate me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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