I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
