Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
