I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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