I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize