; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's official drugs can't kill me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
