I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
