Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
