I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
