My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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