i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
