There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
