It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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