So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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