I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
