bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
