It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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