Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
