Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
