I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
