Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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