Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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