What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
