So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
