singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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