you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
