god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
