booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
