i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
