A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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