she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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