my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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