Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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