was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
