Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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