I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
