WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
