You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize