Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
