As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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