Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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