I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
two words: eviction party
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize