Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
