Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
