he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
