yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
