you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
