Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
