its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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