I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
