I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize