So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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