i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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