Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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