I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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