this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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