dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
