That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
