So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
