I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
