I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
