so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
