I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
