Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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