Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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