im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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