Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
