It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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