just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
