Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
