just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
