i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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