Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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