i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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