Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
