the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
