hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
