this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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