Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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