when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
