well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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