weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
