I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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