I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I AM VODKA MAN
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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