Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
