I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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