i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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