she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
