Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
