my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
worst night to have a conscience
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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